Asking for help is hard.

Dear Zo,

I don't think you knew I was taking your picture, but maybe you did. Lately you've been making crazy faces at me when I try to take your photo. Crazy faces, or you cover your face with your hands. I'm not sure what phase this is that you're in. I guess it's one of the symptoms of your age. Twoooo.

I was watching you as I took your picture on this warm day, and I watched you again this morning as you were eating your cereal. Mommies always watch their children, but there was something special about this morning. Not with you; you're always special, but something inside me today was different. It was one of those moments where I thought, I am so blessed to be your Mama. You and I have had a few bumpy moments lately. Your little will is so strong, and I'm struggling with how to handle you. You want to do everything by yourself. No, Mommy, no help. No, Mommy, me! I want you to be independent, but there are things you still need help with.

We have lots of talks about kindness. You being kind. Mommy being kind. We pray to Jesus a lot. I tell you, Jesus will help us when we ask Him. So we ask him for help, you and I. Lately we've needed His help lots of times each day. When I take your hands in mine and we stop and pray, Jesus, we need your help, I hope you are learning that asking for help is a good thing. You won't always know all the answers. I don't always know all the answers. When we don't, we need to ask for help.

This stopping and asking for help has also been good for me. It's made me realize that I try to do too much on my own. Perhaps more than that, though, I realized that I do too much on my own because I think I can do it better. I think that my way is the best way. Instead of first looking to Jesus, I do things my way. What usually happens? Well, it depends. Sometimes things are fine. Sometimes my way is the best way. But other times, my best efforts end up making things worse. 

What I want you to learn in life, Zo, is that asking for help is sometimes very hard. Asking for help means that you've decided that you aren't going to try to do it on your own. This asking is sometimes the bravest thing that you can do. And if someone ever asks you for help, I want you to learn to be gracious and give it to them. Don't make them ask twice. Be gracious as Jesus is gracious to us, all the time. I want you to learn that Jesus is the source of all our help.

I'm so thankful for moments like the one I had earlier today with you, when it seemed that the world stopped and everything was in focus. I looked at you and I knew that everything was going to be okay. You, me, your Daddy, Beebee Acka...we'll all be okay. More than okay--wonderful. We will be wonderful and we will learn together and we will ask for help.

Love you forever.