In the midst

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I made it through my first full week of part-time teaching.  It was a typical first week--filled more with lessons on how to behave in my classroom than lessons about Literature. I'd forgotten in my year off how long it takes to get your classroom working the way you want it. Since our first week was only two days long, in my mind I had myself teaching all my classroom rules and routines those days and then getting to work on Monday. Right. By Friday things were a little smoother. Not perfect, but smoother. We'd made it to the end of the week. Hallelujah.

It's been nice working again, but we're in the midst of a lengthy list of transitions. A transition for Nathaniel (a shoutout here goes to him for his superdad babysitting skills these past two weeks) being in charge of Zoe more often, a transition for me in getting ready for my classes and keeping up with all the other things I did before returning to work, a transition for Zoe in Mommy being gone more and having a nanny, and a transition for the dog--poor Henry is getting the short end of the playtime stick lately. And I've come to realize that transitions are not my favorite thing. For one, you never know how long they will last. I play a game with myself whenever I'm stressed or worried, and it goes a little like this, "Well, Carrie, it's hard right now, but remember, it's a transition phase. It will eventually get better." And usually this is true: it is a transition, and it will get better and easier and smoother, it's just that there's no promise of when.

So many friends of mine are finding themselves also in a phase of transition. For some it seems the season they are in has lasted for years. Waiting for something, or someone, or a little someone, or direction on a job or a move or just a new thing. And I don't know about you, but I've found it hard to completely trust God in all of these transitions. I think it's because so much of the time nothing is happening; I'm just waiting. It's easy to just go from day to day, knowing that things aren't as easy as they could be, feeling unsettled and wanting to be settled or for something to be decided. When I really think about it, though, it seems to me that a lot of all this is a yearning for life to be complete. If this, then this...when this happens, then this...and then I'll feel better, then I'll really know what is supposed to happen. But without transitions, there never would be change. Without change in our lives, there's no room for God to work.

My hope for myself and everyone else that finds themselves transitioning to something or away from something would find true Peace. Life this side of Heaven will never be perfect, but we can hold onto the One who is.